The fightback – 2026

So, two days ago I published my first blog for two years, only the second in ten. I have been lazy.

I have read, and reread that piece over twenty times. It gave me strength and confronting things that pain me, I love that. I can deal with them that way. Yesterday, I woke up having had another vivid dream and I cried, for the last time. I made an appointment with the doctor. I said I needed help. Immediately they were offering me tablets to ‘ease my angst’. That was kind of them. However, they can insert them anally and sideways for all I care. Angst? ANGST? I am 52 years of age, not a fumbling teen with crotch rash.

As someone once said to me ‘I’m no fucking victim’. This is me, raw, angry, hurting and fierce. I do not need tablets to take the edge off things; I will use the edge to drive me. I also went to the gym yesterday and I worked. I worked hard. I worked smart and today I will rinse and repeat. For 2026 is my year and nobody is going to derail me from that, no distractions, no excuses and definitely no fucking tablets. 

For years people have been telling me to write a book. I am going to do just that, and this little piece is just the prologue, the build-up, the entrée. I have a desire to document what could be the most extraordinary year in the life of the most ordinary of men. It could be the exact opposite but there is only one way to find out, live it head on. The issues I wrote about yesterday are not gone but they have moved. Not to a box that sits in my mind but right to the front, the very front. This is my fuel, my motivation and the end result will be a transformation. 

Yesterday I had the offer of 3 dates, a fourth is coming today, I know it is (and no, this was not Tinder or any other meat market site). I could do that, of course I could. Go out and wreak emotional havoc by doing what most men would, but I am not most men. I am not going to get over something by getting on top of something or laying underneath it, that is cheap, gaudy and immoral. I am better than that.  So here we are, December 9th, 2025 and what will unfold will unfold. No doors have been closed to anything and any doors that open I may walk through. I may even kick some of them down.

I have said for years that the beast within me was only restrained, now it is unleashed and the reins that held my passion in check, they have now been cut. I am itching to fight on any level, every level. I will not fight myself though, no longer. World, I am coming for you, and you had better be ready.